A sentence by Werner Erhard, the famous founder of EST and the Landmark Forum, has impressed and influenced me to this day. He said something along these lines: “If you want to make a difference in life, you need to take a stand – even if no one applauds.”
Don’t wait for validation from others, and don’t do whatever you want and need to do, to get validation from them. Taking a stand for something we believe in, even if it is not popular, or noone cares, is not easy. Never was. Renaming our Consulting Company “Conscious Consulting” was not at all popular back then, people thought it was “woo woo” and “esoteric” the worst you can be especially in the German speaking world. Yet, I was convinced that this is what my intention was: to work on the level of consciousness, bring about profound transformation and develop Business towards being more conscious of people and planet through consulting. I was so convinced and inspired, and still am, that it gave me the strength to stick to this vision and the sentence, “even if noone applauds” helped me to stick with what I believed in. I am not financially independent, yet I act as if I am, and somehow it brought me to where I am now. I have enough and all I need.
Staying detached
Ultimately, the most powerful approach is to stay detached from any feedback you receive—whether it’s negative, positive, hype, or criticism. Use your inner compass as a guide, holding onto your inner red rope as you walk on shaky ground. I imagine a strong red rope that appears at the right moment whenever I take the next step. This rope is made of my values, intentions, ideas, intuition, vision, experience, and knowing.
This rope doesn’t care about others’ ropes or judgments; it invites me to be almost blind and deaf to other people’s responses and expectations, which are mainly designed to support their own views and feelings about themselves. As mentioned before, other people’s approval isn’t the goal—it can be a nice side effect and, of course, flattering and enjoyable. But let’s not get carried away—literally—from ourselves. When these same people are quick to criticize and dismiss us at the first sign of failure or disagreement. of irritation.
Staying grounded
Staying grounded in myself and acting according to my values and intentions—doing things I find meaningful, engaging, and purposeful—is enough if the only audience I ever have is myself. Being self-sufficient is not egocentric; I find it more egocentric to try to make other people an audience for our self-reassurance.
Also, we are then at the mercy of everyone else, and we don’t do what we do out of conviction but out of neediness—not from abundance, but scarcity; not from love, but from fear. Yet, it’s hard, because we’re trained to be oriented toward everyone’s reactions outside ourselves, and we need others to survive; we need approval and benevolence. to a certain point, always is a fine line.
My experience is that whenever I do something out of love, fullness, or good intention, it reflects in a positive way—though not always or in everything, but enough to survive. Some people around me encourage me to hide parts of my life because they fear it could diminish how others see me, especially the spiritual part, like living off-grid on an olive finca. They think, people wouldn’t take me seriously, and it could harm my business and reputation. But in reality, this is exactly what many find most interesting because it sets me apart from others they know.
Still, I believe everyone seeks authenticity and integrity, not just doing things to impress others. My approach is to live my life, do my thing, and share it with those interested, without stressing about their opinions or likes and dislikes—that’s the best way for me. Some will be interested and attracted; others won’t, and that’s normal.
If I—or you—want to make a difference in our lives, we should stop seeking other people’s reactions and only do things because we want to, not for approval. I’ve experienced this myself by stopping what I was doing—I left the consultancy where I made partner—even though people applauded and thought it was cool. But it’s not about being cool; it’s about living well without trying to meet contradictory expectations that only reflect other people’s rules, not my own. Ultimately, we need to remember: people care less about us than we assume. They go along with whatever because they’re mainly focused on themselves—the only time they really look at us is in comparison, in competition with themselves, relational and not absolute.
Whether or not I am making a difference, I don’t really know. But even that is not important as long as I stay true to myself.
Julia Culen 